NaNo Key17--BegINning Again With Rememberance

Black begins its dance
turning in on itself
shifting, coiling, weaving
invisible webs of blackness on blackness
catching and absorbing
photonic prey a little girl beckons
she stands on a rock
in the shallow water
by the shore
of the shining lake she has a secret, come, she beckons,
I have something to share with you...
cupped in one hand
an orb of rainbow light
begins to unfold
within itself with graceful laughter
and gleeful energy
she release the orb
into all that is streams of rainbow light
sparkling, flowing, intermingling
flow out across the waters
out upon the breezes
dancing through the leaves
tickling my skin I reach into the streams
and with a fingertip
I pull the patterns into playful arcs
the patterns build
the beauty infinite
the play everlasting
I fly upa
nd use my entire body
my entire being
to dance the flowof loving beauty
for all to share

hear the drums,
smell the cedar and sage,
go forth boldly where noone but you has ever gone before

excitement breaches like a a hungry whale
anticipating the moment of thought superceded
and into the void I shall journey to share my adventures
of discovery
of self
as metaphor for all

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I gazed at the long wooden building embedded in the dark mists beneath the giant tree. A flicker of light drew my eyes to a shadowy figure leaning against the massive trunk.
I remembered seeing the figure in my youth. I arose from my bed unable to sleep, as usual, due to overwhelming fears. I was walking quietly down the second flight of stairs, when I saw him. Leaning against the shelves of my parents' old records, was a man of shadow wearing a Fedora hat and smoking just as he was now. As he did then, he looked up at me and smiled.

Though I had expected him to be there, I had forgotten until now that I had seen him in my youth. I tried not to think about the implications.

"Good to see you again, luv," a beautiful voice drifted toward me with the serpent-like smoke. "Want a puff?"

I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply to calm and focus my mind, my will. The smell of the smoke told of a high quality pot--a mere whiff of his exhalation left a slight buzz in my head. I breathed out slowly and released the serpent's hold on me.

"Not now, Loki. I need to stay clear. If you want to play, you mustn't be tempting me like that." I said, pleased to hear my voice hold steady.

Light laughter rippled through the air, teasing my center chakra with a tug that began to travel to lower regions.

"Are you sure you don't want to be tempted?" he said softly, suggestively.

A deep growl rumbled forth from beside me. My hand went to her familiar fur, and I was flooded with comforting strength. I looked at she who had appeared suddenly and silently by my side. A coat of darkness striped with white light covered the supple and powerful body of my Tyger.

"Good to see you, my friend." I said. She nestled her great head into my side before turning back to glare at Loki.

"I'm hurt," he said in a tearful voice that sounded far too convincing despite his widening grin. He met my eyes then. His deep liquid eyes of gold and green lifted me for a moment into a field of flowers and love. I looked away. "You gave me your love once, child. Now you demonize me like the Christians? I would not be here had you not called me."

"I have a long journey ahead of me, Loki. You are a part of me, as is all that will come. I want you to be part of this, but I want to stay balanced. I'll get nowhere if I get too distracted."

He laughed again and took a deep draw off his long joint. I felt Tyger relax a bit beside me.
"It's ok, dear," he said gently. "I know it's you that you're worried about, not me. I forgive you."

"I'm going to grab a drink. Would you care to join me?" I said.

His eyes narrowed slightly, "Do you really want me to go in there with you?"

I considered pushing him a bit, but I didn't want to take the chance that he might actually go in with me.

"Will I see you later, then?" I asked.

Then he was gone, leaving only an echo of his laughter dancing in the smoke.

I approached the building and heard the loud deep laughter, singing, and angry shouts of many rough drunken men. I paused at the large door, and looked again to Tyger, glad she there. I opened the door.

The heavy smells of alcohol, sweat, and blood mingled with the noise and light. The tavern was full of big burly fellows, dressed in an array of battle garb. A trio nearby sloshed beer on each other as they swayed and sang in gravelly voices. Two of the trio looked like the classic Vikings with their helms, tunics, and long braided beards. The one in the middle looked like a soldier from World War 2. As they neared the end of their tune, one of the Vikings bumped into a table where a very large bald man in a tunic was armwrestling with a tall steely-eyed woman in chainmail. A beer that had been resting on the table fell on her lap. The bald man jumped up, grabbed the man responsible for the spill, and punched him so hard teeth and blood flew from his mouth.

"You wet a Valkyrie's armour, you bastard!" the bald man roared in the now unconscious man's face before flinging him aside and sitting back down. The woman still had her elbow on the table, and appeared to not even notice the incident. The bald man resumed the arm westling match.

As I pulled my eyes from the scene, I noticed a few of the patrons looking at me menacingly. I heard a low rumble from Tyger, and decided it'd be best to get on with my business.
I went to the long bar counter and found an empty stool.

While I waited to get the bartender's attention, sweet music began to reach me above the ruckus. I looked to the source and saw her, here but not here. It was the Priestess, playing her harp, and singing with her golden voice. On a small stage by the bar, she appeared ghostlike. Her long black hair floated around her deceptively frail body, blending into her soft black dress. Her eyes were closed, as her fingers gracefully made loving vibrations with the strings. I began to feel at one with her, with the music. My body began to sway, my fingers began to dance out the coulourful light that begged to be woven in to beautiful patterns. Her dark eyes opened and looked into mine.

"Sweet soul sister," she whispered in my mind. "I love you and I am with you sacred mother."
"Bless you, beautiful one," I whispered back.

I felt torn at that moment. I was here to speak with someone. Yet, here was a friend that I did not wish to turn away from. I felt someone sit down beside me. It was Loki.

"Having trouble staying on track are we?" he mused and handed me a mug of mead.

I sighed, " So much for planning."

"You really aren't supposed to plan this, ya know," said Loki.

"I'm trying not to think, but I must. There is a tear here--between my need to live in the now as one with the all, and my need to explore aspects which means fragmenting before reconnecting everything."

"Bullshit," said Loki. "You want to speak with Odin, but you don't feel connected to him. You feel connected to the Priestess, but she stirs contradictory feelings in you. You are full of uncertainies and lack focus. You were hoping to gain some direction from Odin. To get started on a great quest to go stomp on your inner demons. It ain't gonna be that simple though."

"Damn," I said. "What would you suggest?"

"Now you're asking for my help? Sometimes I'm your friend, sometimes I'm your enemy--and I'm not the only one. Life is conflict--you know that."

"I'd still like to speak with Odin, if he will speak with me," I said to my mead.

"And what would you like to speak with me about?"

I started at the booming voice and looked up at the one-eyed man behind the counter drying a glass.

*********
I looked beside me, but Loki was no longer there.

I looked backed to the bartender.

"Hi Odin, thanks for visiting with me."

He looked at me with his one eye and started to dry another glass.

I shifted uncomfortably under his heavy stare.

"You told one of your chosen in sahdr that you would accept me, though you know I can not give
myself to you. I seek guidance. I see your crows watching me each day, and sometimes I feel your great eye looking down from above. My true heart lies in the magical reality underlying all religions--I share in the path of the mystics. I feel I must in turn share the lessons through my art--my painting, my writing. I struggle with myself and seek inner peace for the sake of myself and my family, and I desperately wish to serve the light, life--to help others. I feel I must achieve peace and love within to become an affective tool for the divine. Now I write--I write my internal journey into the corridors of my mind, my heart, my soul. It seems every step I may be torn."

"What do you want?"

"Love, peace, beauty..."

"You have those. If that's all you want, go away."

"Is it ego that drives me?"

"Of course. Why do you insist that is wrong?"

"Achievement? I must embrace ego, ride ego as the Zen bull of life before I can rest?"

"If you wish to look at it that way."

"This book--it's important to me. Will you help me with it?"

"I already have." He smiled. "Time to get back to work. See ya later."

With that, he turned away and I found myself standing by a familiar lake. I laughed and shook my head, took a deep breath, and sat down to meditate.

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It's Rememberance Day and I want to fight. I'm tired of feelingafraid. But I don't believe in fighting with violence. Thoughviolence has long been an intregral part of nature, I believe thatour greatest advantage in terms of evolution, is to use our heads!Planning long-term in a sustainable manner--gentleness and goodnesswith strategic sustainable development. I want to dwell in love--reach out with sharing and love to all who are equal. ALL are EQUAL!

I want to first tackle my inner demons which mirror my outer demonsin their infinitely human way. I want to flow with peace, bend inthe wind like a blade of grass sowing its seeds inthe spring. "Thepen is mightier than the sword!" (Who first said that?) That isbecause writing stirs emotions and therefore must be handled withcare and love as must all to receive care and love.

Love is the key--as Lennon said, "Love is the answer."

Love with intelligence breeds respect, diplomacy, peace. It is thesensible path for best living and evolution because such paths opencommunication which contributes to evolutionary development.Cooperative approaches are highly effective. This necessitatesself-awareness which is aided immensely by self-love. It is easierto learn to love oneself if one is shown by others that they arelovable.

Love out is love in. Woot! The rewards of love surpass all others interms of pure joy and inspiration!

Love and Peace,

Singing Grass

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