snap dragons

snap dragons

lessons lessons everywhere--so hard to stop
learning
for we're ever new
babies first breath
we forget
the wonder
without judgement
and long to return
to the innocence
that never was
that is eternal
let "others'" jealousies
and fear and pride
roll off you like
cleansing tears

raindrops of sentiment
"there were chestnuts falling out of the sky.
mom, they really were!"
"bread awesome butter"
"I want to teach my mom snap dragons!"
"dragon snap, dragon snap"
"snap dragon, butter too"
words get lost as two children's voices
merge into one
"...a tree!"

"will you listen? will you learn..."
I love my babies
I just can't keep up with them
dividingattention...
"my teacher is on my back,"
he insists;
they'll do everything to get my attention,
acknowledgement--
my god
I've just had a Naruto-related epiphany

Letter to my children:

I am constantly aware of you
at some level

when I am in the same room
I hear it all
I love to watch you
to listen to you...but I am so distracted
so much of the time...I spent so much of my life
alone
thinking
thinking
thinking...

that is
who "I" is,
the "thinker"
yet "I" is an illusion
ever shifting into
ever changing
ever creating
with continuity
from our
connection
with our
memories
of who we we have been
in the previous
moments
ever now you are
feelings
waves
energizing, fueling
the changes...

hence, the dilemma:
how do I capture
that divine gaze
of mother's love?
strive for the places where her attention lies
get good at the things she admires
so she will admire you
so you'll truly engage her attention

love motivates
change
is
life